22 February, 2013

Weaning Myself Slowly

Ladies and gents of the universe, I am attempting something you would never ever EVAH believe. It is a genuine stab at self-improvement.

I am working on using less profanity in my daily conversation.

What the funk!?! No ca ca poopy bad language? Pahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Yes, I am an educated, well-mannered lady who loves the cuss words. It is in my bones from an early age. Growing up we had a lovely dog I named Jack, after this Jack on the telly:

John Ritter as Jack Tripper on Three's Company.
Jack had a terrible habit of chasing the cattle on our land. Nearly every time a cow moseyed near the fence, Jack would tear across the yard and do only what his cattle-herding instincts called him to do--herd. My dad would yell, "Jack get back here you son of a bitch!" so often I once at the tender and adorable age of two yelled, "Jack! Get back here ya sommmbabitch!"

Another time in my toddler years, my Aunt Debbie was pushing me on a swing. She pushed me higher and higher, and I was quite nervous. I finally hollered at her, "You're pissing me off!!!" It is now the stuff of Julie-cussed-a-lot-as-a-kid legend. 

I actually felt bad about my cussing into my teenage years. I did it as an act of rebellion, a thing that I knew annoyed the heck out of my elders and I could control. 

You might be wondering, Oh Ramona threw an f-bomb at school and now I have to watch my mouth. Oh ho ho, no. My kids know they are bad words. Iris even says, "Mommy, you just said the s-word when you dropped that can of beans on your foot." I simply want to limit it in my conversation.

My good friends and husband all had the same reaction. Good luck with that, Julie. Saying cuss words is just something I do. I don't talk like a sailor, but they are peppered here and there. They are the tao of Julie, and can they ever be severed from my personality?

I can't stop cold turkey. I am weaning off the cussing SLOWWWWLY. The first day I resolved to stop, I said five. The following day I said three. The following about four. This week I am proud to say I only said about one to two a day. This is improvement, folks. I keep joking to my husband I am going to end up like Annie Wilkes in Misery, full of repressed anger and flipping nuts. And saying words like "dirty bird" and "ca ca poopy." Kathy Bates, you are brilliant. You deserve all them shiny awards. 

Truth is, I can find a better way to express myself. Cussing makes people sound stupid, and I am not a stupid lady.

19 February, 2013

Aesthetic Building

Some things from the past I am thinking about lately.

I giggle at Christian Slater trying-to-be-Jack-Nicholson in Heathers.

Confession: I finally watched Heathers from start to finish this weekend. What an odd movie. Instant cult classic. 

Tom Hanks was brilliant as Uncle Ned on Family Ties. He takes a relatively hokey show and gives it a pulse, titling the scales between ethos and pathos with such clarity I remember it even today. I also love love LOVE when 80s TV shows got all PSA on us about drinking, drugs and huffing White Out. 

My mom sewed her own dresses, and I always thought she looked gorgeous. 

I got a Loves perfume collection once for Christmas, and it was the best gift ever. I felt so incredibly grown up. 

That is all for now.

18 February, 2013

What We're Up To

The new house is rocking my world. I finally have a patch of dirt to call my own and shape to my liking. And shape I am.

Yes, she had to sample the dirt to ensure its "yummies" for the plants. Thank goodness she didn't drink the liquid fish fertilizer......

Our back yard is the biggest train wreck I have ever seen. According to our neighbors, the previous owners NEVER EVER MOWED THE YARD. Before our house went on the market, our neighbor Jerry helped the house flippers (a very nice husband and wife team), haul about 100 bags of leaves, acorns, sticks and dead grass from the back yard. The previous owners planted all their foliage so shallow that hard rains two years ago washed them into the most random places. In the photo above I transplanted these yuccas from a place in the middle of the yard nearly 15 feet from any noticeable flower bed. 

Liriopes are in random spots all over the yard. I pulled them up and placed them in the front beds. I also planted garlic, fertilized my Brussel sprouts, cabbages and broccoli and dug a trench for my red potatoes. I also have tons of St. Augustine grass runners from my neighbor's yard to plant in the bare dirt mounds dotted all over the yard. Currently we have more weeds than grass, but we are slowly moving along.

Pictures are coming soon of all our progress. Until now, I give you the most gorgeous seven-year-old on the planet:

14 February, 2013

Face Melting Cuteness (and FB Pissin' and Moanin')

Check out my valentines. They are so flippin' cute! 

Ramona yelled, "Val-bines! Val-bines!" all morning long. Kids love mushy mush holidays. They are softening my cynical heart in so many ways. 

Oh haaaaaaiiiiii! How you been? Remember, this blog will never be the pristine output of someone with oodles of ideas or time on her hands. I always forget to document the living. I promise to be better. For you, me loveys. 

Great things are underway at our house. I plan to document more as I slowly step away from Facebook as an active means of communication. It always felt something of a fad to me, and now it is simply boring. Unless it is cute beh behs or my friends celebrating the great things happening in their lives, or my family keeping in touch, it is all a hum to me. There are only so many feckless "political" rants and somecards a girl can read. I would rather you come over and we eat a lot of cheese and we dance to the Scissor Sisters. Think about it. 

I am waffling about throwing the absolute Facebook kill switch. I will probably keep it around for the family, but not treating the "like" button as actually reaching out to someone. And if friends fall to the wayside, well so it goes. It would have happened anyway if Facebook didn't exist in the first place. Truthiness tastes like burning, and not the campfire marshmallow kind. 

Happy "Val-bines," folks! Hugs to you all. Hope to see you face-to-face soon!