Seriously Iris!?!

I was an hour late to work this morning. And the culprit?

Photo by Shance Brentham

Don't let that adorable face fool you. This little lady is a ball of fury when sick. This morning tried all my patience and eliminated any graces of motherhood I once possessed. 

First, she coughed up an enormous snot wad. On my neck. 

Second, she cried for fifteen minutes because I joked her voice sounded like a Gremlin. 

IRIS: Mommy, what's a Gremlin?

ME: (pulling up picture on the Internet) This is a Gremlin.

IRIS: Waaaaaaaa, you're so MEAN, Mommy! I'm not your friend anymore! (Note: She says this every time she is mad at us.)

Finally, after she calmed down and I firmly told her she cannot drink milk or have dairy this morning because it increases her mucus ("MOMMY! Don't talk to me about snot! Gross! Waaaaaa!"), we get dressed and head for the door. Before we go, I tell her it is time to take her Mucinex. Since she sucks up more snot that blows out from her allergies, she has a chest cold. This morning was the first time to take the Mucinex. I gave it to her in my bedroom as I laced up my shoes. 

This is what happened:

She drinks it. 

Makes a face.

Spits it ALL out. 

All over me.

All over the floor.

All over herself.

All over the bed.

Heck, the walls are practically medicine red by now.

Then, very calmly, she exclaims, "Well, that tasted bad."

We get redressed, mopped down, and cleaned up. She CRIES because she can't wear the outfit she spit all over.

IRIS: WAAAAAAA! I wanna wear a DRESS! Not these pants.

ME: Well, maybe you shouldn't have spit your medicine all over yourself. 

By the time we got out the door, I was ready to shank someone. All this happened without some sympathy, though. When I was a kid, we had to take the most TERRIBLE banana-flavored prescription liquid medicine for bronchitis. Soooooooo bad. So bad in fact, I dry heaved before I took it. So bad I still, to this day, hate the taste of banana-flavored things. 

To all my childless friends, BEWARE. The days they are complete Turd Fergusons  will make you appreciate the other 95% of the time they are the most adorable and perfect gift life will ever give. 

Photo by Shance Brentham